"My mind is preoccupied with past thoughts."

This is lesson 8 in the workbook for students from "A Course in Miracles." I have been watching my thoughts lately and it's true, oh, so true. I quote:

"This idea is, of course, the reason why you see only the past. No one really sees anything. He sees only his thoughts projected outward. The mind's preoccupation with the past is the cause of the misconception about time from which your seeing suffers. Your mind cannot grasp the present, which is the only time there is. It therefore cannot understand time, and cannot, in fact, understand anything."

(So, then, I think, understanding comes from another place, not the mind. It is much deeper than mere thinking)

"The one wholly true thought one can hold about the past is that it is not here. To think about it at all is therefore to think about illusions."

(Okay, I get that. Then why does my mind preoccupy itself with the past? What does thinking about the past really do for me? Why bother? When I try to not think about the past, my mind gets panicky as if it wouldn't exist without all that useless chatter. I like the present. I have nothing against being "in the moment." Why is it so hard?)

"Very few have realized what is actually entailed in picturing the past or in anticipating the future. The mind is actually blank when it does this, because it is not really thinking about anything."

(Wow, that's a different view of it. So, ruminating on the past or future is a waste of my mind. In fact, it's not really using it at all. Hmmm....I notice when I'm doing something creative my mind is peaceful, my body relaxed, my spirit seems bigger. I feel more connected to the universe. Composing music, playing the piano, drawing, singing, meditating all tend to stop or at least slow down the mind's past/future ruminations...even when I'm teaching I'm focused more on the present moment and it's uplifting).

"The purpose of the exercises for today is to begin to train your mind to recognize when it is not really thinking at all. While thoughtless ideas preoccupy your mind, the truth is blocked. Recognizing that your mind has been merely blank, rather than believing that it is filled with real ideas, is the first step to opening the way to vision.
"The exercises for today should be done with eyes closed. This is because you actually cannot see anything, and it is easier to recognize that no matter how vividly you may picture a thought, you are not seeing anything. With as little investment as possible, search your mind for the usual minute or so, merely noting the thought you find there. Name each one by the central figure or theme it contains, and pass on to the next. Introduce the practice period by saying:

I seem to be thinking about_________.

"Then name each of your thoughts specifically, for example: I seem to be thinking about [name of person], about [name of object], about [name of emotion], and so on, concluding at the end of the mind searching period with:

But my mind is preoccupied with past thoughts.

"This can be done four or five times during the day, unless you find it irritates you. If you find it trying, three or four times is sufficient. you might find it helpful, however, to include your irritation, or any emotion that the idea for today may induce, in the mind searching itself."

(I have been trying to do this for several days now and yes, I do find it irritating...not sure why. When I become aware of the past thoughts I jump to the present, but don't stay there very long because the past/future just comes right back. Well, it's a process, isn't it? I will keep on trying and post any insights at a later date).

Español otro día, perdón.

Soy Lorena.
5/14/08