Cambios/ Changes

Me encuentro de nuevo en la tierra de lo familiar, en casa, en mi hogar, en el lugar donde paso la mayor parte de mi vida, donde conozco cada pulgada de este espacio pero no necesariamente la gente en mi alrededor. De hecho conozco poca gente acá….hmm, la tierra de lo frío aunque haga calor ahorita. Regresé a mi laberinto desaparecido y por poco me muero hasta que lo buscamos debajo de las hierbas, yo cortando las pequeñas hojas de verde claro que se atrevieron a crecer encima de las líneas blancas…how dare they! Hasta que poco a poco lo descubrimos otra vez y fuimos pintando las líneas en pedacitos y pronto nos dimos cuenta dónde estaba y cómo iba y por fin se levantó de la nada y voilá, llegó mi laberinto pero la tierra estaba muy cambiada, ya no se notaba el sendero bien marcado como antes, sólo el centro dónde mis pies dibujaban su forma en el pasto, dónde pisaban fuertes al llegar allá. Dos meses, dos pequeños meses sin atención…qué despiadada es la naturaleza y qué rápido cambia todo. Tal vez yo cambio también, por el hecho de pasar dos meses en otro país, otro ambiente tan distinto a este.

Hay vecinos nuevos aquí, dos halcones que vuelan encima de nosotros como si no estuviéramos acá mirándolos y se hablan de árbol a árbol y nos paramos un buen rato a verlos como si fueran una maravilla, y sí son una maravilla porque no les importa nuestra presencia y me pregunto si mi presencia les importa a la otra gente que vive cerca de aquí o si soy invisible…a veces siento invisible porque pasa el día y no hablo con nadie…allá no soy invisible, qué curioso. Aquí no tengo hermano.

Ha llovido y hay arroyo…me gusta como se oye corriendo tan aprisa. No me atrevo ir allá a verlo de cerca por los moscos y otros insectos que pican, pero pronto, pronto iré, no puedo evitarlo.

Entonces la rutina me llama de nuevo, la rutina de antes y me pregunto si todavía la aguanto, si todavía la puedo aguantar.

Creo que es hora de un cambio, un cambio tremendo.

A ver qué pasa.

Changes

I find myself again in the land of the familiar, at home, in my house, in the place where I spend the major part of my life, where I know every inch of this space but not necessarily the people around me. In fact, I know few people here…hmm, the land of the cold even though it’s warm at this moment. I came back to find my labyrinth disappeared and I almost died until we looked for it underneath the weeds, me cutting away the small light green leaves that dared to grow over the white lines…how dare they! Until little by little we discovered it again and began painting the lines in small bits and soon we realized where it was and how it went and finally it was raised up out of the nothing and voila, my labyrinth arrived but the earth was very changed, you could no longer see the well worn path as before, only the center where my feet drew their form in the grass, where they pressed the ground hard upon arriving there. Two months, two tiny months without attention…how merciless is nature and how fast everything changes. Maybe I change too, by having spent two months in another country, another place so different from this one.

There are new neighbors here, two hawks that fly over us as if we were not here watching them and they talk to each other from tree to tree and we stand there a good while to see them as if they were a marvel and yes, they are a marvel because they don’t mind our presence and I wonder if my presence matters to other people who live near here or if I’m invisible…sometimes I feel invisible because the day goes by and I don’t speak to anyone…there I am not invisible, how interesting. Here I have no brother.

It has rained and there is the stream…I like the way it sounds rushing in such a hurry. I haven’t dared go over there to see it up close because of the mosquitoes and other bugs that bite but soon, soon I will go, I can’t avoid it.

So the routine is calling me again, the routine of before and I wonder if I’ll take it, if I can still put up with it.

I think it’s time for a change, a big change.

We’ll see what happens.


Soy Lorena.
6/29/08

Porque yo me conocere/Because I will to know myself

Porque yo me conoceré te veo como el hijo de Dios y mi hermano. ACIM

(Y también incluye el taxista que te avisa del costo del viaje;

y los mendigos

y los niños pobres

y los niños ricos

y los jefes

y los empleados

y los jóvenes

y los jubilados)


Perdonar, no juzgar, es el acto más sublime. Si eso puedo lograr, la paz sería mía, ahora y siempre.


Because I will to know myself I see you as the son of God and my brother. ACIM

(And that also includes the taxi driver who tells you the cost of the trip;

and the beggars

and the poor children

and the rich children

and the bosses

and the employees

and the young people

and the retired ones)

To forgive, not to judge, is the most sublime act. If I can attain that, peace will be mine, now and forever.


Soy Lorena.
7/18/08

Lillies and Firecrackers

And the lilly is emitting its sweet aroma while I’m playing piano pieces from my past, and soaking in the perfume of the “huelen de noche” flower as outside the last of the rain drips off the roof into the plants in the garden and the dogs bark and the children outside scream with delight at their games and I know it will not last, that this world will perish but I’m loving it just the same and then suddenly out of nowhere the cohetes start up, but this time they keep on going down the street; they start here and then continue down the block and then the church bells begin and the fireworks and I have no idea why, today is the seventh of July, not the fourth, but anyway the fourth means nothing here, but this is Mexico where the unexpected always happens....and the bells don’t stop, they ring and ring and the cohetes explode una y otra vez and I’m just a gringa sitting here with my laptop computer listening to the outside world in total ignorance and not really minding it.

Everything brings a smile to my face in this place, everything, And so I run outside and ask a little girl what is happening and she tells me they have just declared San Miguel Patrimonio Mundial, UNESCO’s World Heritage list. So San Miguel will be receiving financial and technical support that UNESCO provides to all World Heritage sites.

¡¡¡FELICIDADES, SAN MIGUEL!!!

So the fireworks are exploding and filling the sky with their colors and the bells of the Parroquia are chiming and there is an energy in the air that the rain can’t spoil, in fact, it may just add to the merriment, the rivers of water still streaming down the streets like tears of joy.

Well, San Miguel, there will be no more bulls running your streets. You must now live up to this honor.

¡Felicidades, una y otra vez!

Soy Lorena.
6/8/08