"My mind is preoccupied with past thoughts."

This is lesson 8 in the workbook for students from "A Course in Miracles." I have been watching my thoughts lately and it's true, oh, so true. I quote:

"This idea is, of course, the reason why you see only the past. No one really sees anything. He sees only his thoughts projected outward. The mind's preoccupation with the past is the cause of the misconception about time from which your seeing suffers. Your mind cannot grasp the present, which is the only time there is. It therefore cannot understand time, and cannot, in fact, understand anything."

(So, then, I think, understanding comes from another place, not the mind. It is much deeper than mere thinking)

"The one wholly true thought one can hold about the past is that it is not here. To think about it at all is therefore to think about illusions."

(Okay, I get that. Then why does my mind preoccupy itself with the past? What does thinking about the past really do for me? Why bother? When I try to not think about the past, my mind gets panicky as if it wouldn't exist without all that useless chatter. I like the present. I have nothing against being "in the moment." Why is it so hard?)

"Very few have realized what is actually entailed in picturing the past or in anticipating the future. The mind is actually blank when it does this, because it is not really thinking about anything."

(Wow, that's a different view of it. So, ruminating on the past or future is a waste of my mind. In fact, it's not really using it at all. Hmmm....I notice when I'm doing something creative my mind is peaceful, my body relaxed, my spirit seems bigger. I feel more connected to the universe. Composing music, playing the piano, drawing, singing, meditating all tend to stop or at least slow down the mind's past/future ruminations...even when I'm teaching I'm focused more on the present moment and it's uplifting).

"The purpose of the exercises for today is to begin to train your mind to recognize when it is not really thinking at all. While thoughtless ideas preoccupy your mind, the truth is blocked. Recognizing that your mind has been merely blank, rather than believing that it is filled with real ideas, is the first step to opening the way to vision.
"The exercises for today should be done with eyes closed. This is because you actually cannot see anything, and it is easier to recognize that no matter how vividly you may picture a thought, you are not seeing anything. With as little investment as possible, search your mind for the usual minute or so, merely noting the thought you find there. Name each one by the central figure or theme it contains, and pass on to the next. Introduce the practice period by saying:

I seem to be thinking about_________.

"Then name each of your thoughts specifically, for example: I seem to be thinking about [name of person], about [name of object], about [name of emotion], and so on, concluding at the end of the mind searching period with:

But my mind is preoccupied with past thoughts.

"This can be done four or five times during the day, unless you find it irritates you. If you find it trying, three or four times is sufficient. you might find it helpful, however, to include your irritation, or any emotion that the idea for today may induce, in the mind searching itself."

(I have been trying to do this for several days now and yes, I do find it irritating...not sure why. When I become aware of the past thoughts I jump to the present, but don't stay there very long because the past/future just comes right back. Well, it's a process, isn't it? I will keep on trying and post any insights at a later date).

Español otro día, perdón.

Soy Lorena.
5/14/08

Más Silencio/ More Silence

El silencio dice mil palabras.
El silencio provoca mil pensamientos.
El silencio crea mil sentimientos.
El silencio inventa algo que no existe.
El silencio empuja el ego a hacer cuentos y mentiras.

El silencio no quiere decir nada.
El silencio no es nada; no importa.
El silencio simplemente ES.

Y eso es todo.


Silence says a thousand words.
Silence provokes a thousand thoughts.
Silence creates a thousand feelings.
Silence invents something that doesn't exist.
Silence pushes the ego to make up stories and lies.

Silence doesn't mean anything.
Silence is nothing; it doesn't matter.
Silence simply IS.

And that's all.


Soy Lorena.
5/9/08

El Silencio

Siente el silencio

Respira el silencio

Acepta el silencio

Prueba el silencio

Ama el silencio

Oye el silencio

Captura el silencio

Inspira el silencio

Canta el silencio

Mira el silencio

Conoce el silencio

Digiere el silencio

Vive el silencio

Baila el silencio

Sigue el silencio

Despierta el silencio

Escoge el silencio

Amplia el silencio

Expresa el silencio

Abraza el silencio

SÉ EL SILENCIO


Feel the silence

Breathe the silence

Accept the silence

Taste the silence

Love the silence

Hear the silence

Capture the silence

Inhale the silence

Sing the silence

See the silence

Know the silence

Digest the silence

Live the silence

Dance the silence

Follow the silence

Awaken the silence

Choose the silence

Expand the silence

Express the silence

Embrace the silence

BE THE SILENCE



Soy Lorena.
4/26/08

¿Y Mi Musa?

Hace un tiempo
Me mandaba poesia

Hace un tiempo
Sus palabras aparecían
Sin que yo las pidiera

Hace un tiempo
La música corría
Brotaba, nacía

Deslizando de los dedos
A disparar al universo

Mi Musa era buena
Profunda y serena

Mi Musa me quería
Su amor me sonreía

¿Es qué acaso se me ha ido
a inspirar en otro lado?

¿O simplemente se ha callado?

¿O me ha abandonado?
Olvidado…

El mundo sin la música,
Perdón, pero me entristece

La vida sin mi Musa
Parece deslucida

¿Qué hago sin mi Musa?
Mi Musa, ser de luz—

Acaso busco otra
La dejo que se vaya
Le agradezco por lo que me ha dado
El pasado ya está pasado

Y sigo adelante
Y sigo mi camino
Sin mi Musa
En silencio
La música ya muerta

Acaso a revivir
En otro lado
En otro tiempo

Buscando a otra Musa

Ojalá que venga
Que no pierda esperanza.



Soy Lorena.
4/22/08

Yo Soy/ I Am

Siente la quietud que eres







inhala






exhala






Feel the stillness that you are








inhale








exhale







Soy...
4/15/08

Cuando tu Pareja Sufre/When your Beloved Suffers

Cuando tu pareja está sufriendo y tú no puedes aliviar su sufrimiento, todo lo que puedes hacer es rezar y rezar fuerte hasta que la solución te venga a la mente. Siempre hay una solución, aunque no sepas cual es, aunque se tarde en llegar, de todos modos, existe. No hay que perder la fe en el universo. No hay que darse por vencido. Es que los doctores pueden equivocarse, la enfermera de unos treinta y tantos años puede estar equivocada y es importante escuchar al cuerpo porque el cuerpo no se equivoca. Cuando no funciona bien el cuerpo, te vas a dar cuenta. Cuando a tu cuerpo le hace falta ayuda, te va a avisar, llega el dolor y te exige que lo escuches.

Ya no aguantaba más los gritos de mi amado y le dije entre la lágrimas que me salían—NO ESTÁ BIEN ESTO, TENEMOS QUE HACER ALGO, VOY A LLAMAR AL DOCTOR DE EMERGENCIA AHORA.

Pero seguía diciendo,--es que me dijeron que tengo que aguantar, que se tarda dos o tres días, que todavía no funcionan los antibióticos. No le hice caso.

Llamé al doctor de “on call,” o sea de emergencia. Se tardó casi una hora en regresar la llamada, pero cuando por fin se comunicó con nosotros, nos dijo que esto es muy peligroso y que vayamos inmediatamente al hospital a la sala de emergencia, que va a avisar que pronto llegamos y van a estar esperándonos.

Es lo que hicimos y qué bueno porque pronto se alivió mi amor y se fue el dolor inaguantable que tenía y poco a poco se fue tranquilizando y me dijo,--Gracias, gracias por llamar, hubiera escuchado a mi cuerpo, mi cuerpo sabía.

Regresamos a la casa y el día siguiente pudimos reírnos.

¿La moraleja? Nadie sabe mejor que tu propio cuerpo lo que necesitas. Escúchalo.

When your Beloved Suffers

When the person you love is suffering and you can’t ease his suffering, all you can do is pray and pray hard until the solution comes to you. There is always a solution, even though you may not know what it is, even though it may take a while to arrive, anyway, it does exist. Don’t lose faith in the universe. Don’t give up. Doctors can make mistakes, the thirty-something year old nurse can be wrong. When your body isn’t working right, you’ll know it. When your body needs help, it will let you know, the pain will show up and demand that you listen.

I could no longer stand the screaming of my beloved and I told him between the tears flowing out of me, “THIS IS NOT RIGHT. WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING, I’M GOING TO CALL THE EMERGENCY DOCTOR NOW!”

But he kept on insisting, “They told me I had to put up with this, that it would take two or three days for the antibiotics to kick in.” I didn’t listen to him.

I called the on call doctor. It took almost an hour to receive the call back, but when they finally called us, we were told that this was really dangerous and we should go immediately to the emergency room at the hospital, that they would be advised and expecting us.

So that’s what we did and thank God because soon my sweetheart was feeling better and the pain was disappearing and little by little he was calming down and he told me, “Thank you for calling. I should have listened to my body. My body knew.”

We went home and the next day we were able to laugh.

The moral of the story? Nobody knows better than your own body what it needs. Listen to it.

Soy Lorena.
4/7/08

El Milagro de la Primavera/The Miracle of Spring

En febrero parece que nunca se va a derretir la nieve, pero llegamos a abril y milagrosamente la tierra aparece otra vez. Mi tierra, mi preciosa tierra bajo la nieve todavía está y cuando fui a ver el lugar que en el otoño era mi laberinto, pues, allí estaba bien claro, las lineas blancas marcando el sendero. Lo caminamos por primera vez este año y sentía el espacio sagrado y bello, mientras corría el arroyo y cantaban las ranas a mi espalda. Las ramas pelonas de los árboles creaban lindos diseños contra el cielo azul. Llegando al centro del laberinto, respiré profundo y noté la tranquilidad de este lugar.

Al ratito llegó una de los actores. Nos vio caminando despacio en el jardin.

--Ustedes están extraños,--nos dijo.

--Sí, es cierto,--le dije. -- Siento extraña hoy.

Mi energía había cambiado.


The Miracle of Spring

In February it seems like the snow will never melt, but we get to April and miraculously the earth appears again. My earth, my precious earth underneath the snow is still there and when I go to see the place where in the fall was my labyrinth, well, there it is, very clear, the white lines marking the path. We walked it for the first time this year and I felt the space sacred and beautiful while the stream was running and the frogs singing at my back. The bare branches of the trees were creating pretty designs against the blue sky. Arriving at the center of the labyrinth, I breathed deeply and noticed the stillness of this place.

A short time later one of the actors arrived. She saw us walking slowly in the front yard.

“You guys are strange,” she said.

“Yes, it’s true,” I told her. “I feel strange today.”

My energy had changed.

Soy Lorena.
4/4/08